This week’s playlist Tuesday, Sep 7 2010 

I’ve decided to introduce a new weekly entry dedicated to my favourite music of the week.

Tuesday, Sep 7 2010 

I cannot believe people actually waste their lives doing things they don’t enjoy for fear of … Well I’m not really sure what they’re afraid of. Being alone? Not having enough money to retire at a reasonable age? Rejection? Failure? Unpredictability? Adventure getting in the way of destiny? Who knows.

Perhaps people are putting so much pressure on themselves to achieve a white-picket-fence, 2.4 children, house in the ‘burbs ideal that they are scared to stray from the life of comfortability and predictability. They are wasting their youth fearing their adulthood, and that’s truly tragic.

One of my greatest fears is reaching the end of my life and saying to myself “I should have gone there, I should have done that, I should have enjoyed myself”. Rather than look back on a life of fulfilled dreams, I’d be reliving my most regret-filled moments. What is the point of that?

So I say go get that impulse tattoo, go backpack around Europe, have sex with a celebrity, move to Africa, pass out on the floor of a pub in New York, run a marathon that you know you can’t finish, play the triangle in a band of buskers, learn an irrelevant and unused language like Latin, find your soul mate in a beautiful city, elope in Vegas, be in the Jerry Springer audience, have a picnic with a homeless person.

Do it all now, because one day you’ll be on your death bed with an entire lifetime to reminisce, you may aswell make it an interesting show.

I swear to every non-existent god in the heavens, Thursday, Aug 19 2010 

If I hear one more crack about what Tony Abbott wears to the beach, I’m going to strike something. Good on him for wearing what the hell he likes despite the constant barrage of negative comments. His ‘budgie smugglers’ – I hate that infantile term – don’t affect his policies, his government, or him as a person, so who cares? He may not have the fittest or youngest body, but he is comfortable enough in himself to be able to wear the swimmers he wants to. And really what right do we have to complain? I can only assume the people who make the most childish, hate-filled and disgusted remarks are no prize themselves, but they can hide behind the veil of the TV screen, comedy, newspapers and magazines.

Saturday, Aug 14 2010 

Today was a relatively successful day in the general scheme of things. We actually had a sunny 19 degree day which put me in an immediate good mood considering the unreal winter we’ve been having. When it gets sunny here, everything and everyone comes to life.

The parents and I went for a quick shop and I finally got the Alice in Wonderland shirt I’ve been pining for for much too long. It fits a little snug, but I’m on a diet that is slowly crushing my soul so that problem should be temporary. Behold the glory of the Hatter-like goodness:

The shirt was $20 – not too bad considering it is good quality and I get to parade around with Johnny Depp. That peach cardigan in the photo is my absolute favourite, as is that purple nail polish. Not a bad outfit when you chuck some skinny jeans into the mix – though I can’t even take my own word for gospel on that note because I haven’t the faintest clue about fashion.

I also bought myself a new notebook. I already have a small one that I write pretty much everything in, you name it; ideas for stories, things that inspire me, quotes, to-do lists, a food intake list, scribblings and doodles, party plans, dates to remember, etc. But my current notebook isn’t sturdy enough to be rattling around in the bottom of my bag all day, so I bought this:

It makes me look a little bit precious because it’s very girly, but it serves it’s purpose and I like it.
So that’s my day in a nutshell – not a really blogworthy day, but if I don’t write here often enough then I will completely neglect it.

I think I’m going mental! Saturday, Aug 14 2010 

I haven’t bought a new magazine in so long that I feel so deprived! I believe the last one was the Glee issue of Rolling Stone, but that was at least a month ago. I really need to catch up on National Geographic, Yen, Frankie, Motor, Juxtapoz, AP and Cosmopolitan – but unfortunately my funds are running much too low lately, and I spent my last $30 cash today.

When I have the money to spend again (saving is an arduous and unwanted task) I will most likely be buried under a sea of new magazines. Looking forward to it!

You mustn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling. Wednesday, Aug 11 2010 

I want to pack up my entire room into one luggage bag. I want to take out my entire savings account in cash, book a red-eye flight to Chicago or Los Angeles. When I get there I will no nobody, I will have no place to go, and I will be lost in a city of impersonal suits and skirts – stumbling beneath the career-driven inhabitants who survive on nothing but Starbucks. I want to rent out a crappy little apartment by myself in the cheapest part of town. I want the cocophany of sirens, screaming children and angry landlords to flood in through the cracks in the walls. I want to explore for days on end, finding solitude only when I am amongst a crowd of people all talking too loudly on their Blackberry’s, trying to win against the overwhelming sound of click-clacking heels, the roar of businessmen making agreements and the spruikers trying to convince anyone they can that they need a dozen roses, a new watch, a sample of the local cuisine. I want to get back to my cut-rate apartment with my bag filled with knick-knacks I never intended on buying, but didn’t have the heart to refuse. I want to survive on cheap, instant coffee, chinese food and tap water – reserving my money to buy only one nice bottle of wine a month so I can feel sophisticated, though the old clothes I adorn will tell me otherwise. I want to make the coffee shop down the street my regular place, despite only being able to actually afford good cofee once a week. I want the young manager to recognise my face, to help me feel like I belong even though he gains no profit from it. I want him to offer me free coffee, and I want to refuse it because I will not take advantage nor accept freebies. Instead I will work for him, all the while applying at every magazine in town. I want to make friends with the staff, with the customers – I want to get along with everyone. I want to fall in love in a new city. I want him to fight with me, knowing that it is out of pure passion, rather than any ounce of hatrid. I want him to be old-fashioned. I want him to sit through Gene Kelly movies with me, and tell me I’m a silly goose when they make me cry. I want him to never buy me expensive jewellery, or perfume, because he knows the way to my heart is through $2 bracelets and novelty mugs. I want to eventually feel like I have found my place in a massive city filled with unfamiliars. And I want to feel at home in myself.

Wednesday, Aug 11 2010 

This is my one-week old tattoo. Though the idea of a tattoo was years in the making, the actual physical decision to get it done was spontaneous – this being the reason, I believe, I went through with it.

It barely took half an hour, and only set me back $60 (plus the $9 lotion).

Though I pride myself, somewhat, on the way I articulate my words, my thoughts, my opinions, when people ask what this tattoo means to me I find it hard to put into words.

It is solely inspired by the characters within Markus Zusak’s prophetic novel ‘The Messenger’. This book, though I have read a fair many, is my absolute favourite.

It tells the story of a 19 year old guy who is the epitome of ordinary. He drives a taxi for a living, he has three close friends, and he lives with his malodorous German Shephard. After experiencing a poorly-executed bank robbery, he begins to receive Aces of each suit in the mail. Each card – each suit – contains a list of three missions he must complete successfully before moving on the next. Throughout his journey through the Aces he is met with tasks that quickly transforms his life from utterly ordinary to unimaginably extraordinary.

OK, that’s a general recount, now let’s actually move on to the meaning. I do have a point here, I swear!

The main character – Ed Kennedy – encompasses everything I want to be. I consider myself as ordinary as they come, with a splash of awkward and a few cups of obsessive qualities. I feel entirely inspired that someone that plain, that unsubstantial in the grand scheme of things, can do such astonishing things.

He represents the intellect, the courage, the spontaneity, the stream of consciousness, the dedication and the friendship I would like to channel within myself.

So I chose the Spade suit to symbolise him, and my general love for that epiphany-evoking book.

Just adding to that brief “What is happiness?” question. Tuesday, Jul 6 2010 

I am honestly confused as to where to direct my focuses. Do I put every breath of energy, every second of time, every cent I have into getting my career on track? Do I put my desperate want to travel and my desire to have a family on hold in order to fulfil the career aspect of my life?
I am not one of those people who can just wait for everything to naturally fall into place – those people annoy me. Their carefree, lets-see-where-the-wind-takes-me attitude is too ‘airy fairy’ for my liking. I need preparation time, I need to be able to make the plans in advance, organise my life rather than sit here going “well whatever happens happens”.
I detest the fact that I’ve been using the maxim “Life is short” to make a lot of decisions lately regarding my future, but it’s so damn true! I want, nay need, to accomplish everything I’ve ever set out to do, or dreamed of doing. I want to: have a successful career, live in all parts of the world, be able to take my work with me, fall hopelessly in love, own a dog, learn how to fix a car engine! I want nothing to hold me back, no doubts about life direction, no ‘what-if’s’; just the feeling of being content with how my life has unfolded – knowing that I always had my priorities in line, that my life would not be the same had I not made those decisions back when I was 17.

Random revelations. Sunday, Jul 4 2010 

Yes, yes, another teenage girl claiming to have life-changing revelations. It’s a tired old tune isn’t it?

Revelation #1 – Facebook is a waste of my life. I am barely on it, but when I am it’s filled with the people who made parts of my high school life hell. Their Kindergarten-esque grammar, their hundreds of photos of them getting “blind” and the constant influx of inane group invites infiltrates my News Feed, and I feel dirtier for the experience. Unfortunately, it’s too easy to stay in touch with people through Facebook: too easy to act like a good friend by agreeing that you should catch up with a friend that you haven’t seen since the HSC. It’s a useful tool when your friends – as it inevitably happens – don’t have the credit to message you. But it’s such a waste of time.

Revelation #2 – This is going to sound cliche, but what is happiness? I’ve been taught by my parents that having money is the epitome of happiness: taught by my teachers that having a career is the means to a happy life: taught by every movie that happiness can be ultimately achieved through an earth-shaking, inhibition-breaking relationship. What do I believe? I might make this one a full blog at some point.

I need to stop wasting my time. Sunday, Jul 4 2010 

This gap year was supposed to help me mature as a writer, and as an individual. So far it has just proved that it’s much too easy to get away with monotony; with slipping under the radar.
My job takes up only 25 hours per week of my life – the rest of my time is spent trolling the internet, watching useless videos, making promises to catch up with school friends that never eventuate, reading the news, and catching up on my daily dose of geek.
It’s not that I don’t want to write – it’s all I’ve ever really been good at – it’s just that my life is a creative cul-de-sac. I struggle to find worthy things to write about so, much like this post, I tend to rant about my unproductive life, about issues that grind my gears, or about my pipe-dream future.
I am very nearly 18 years old, and I am hoping that this can somehow act as a catalyst for me to simply grow up. I’ve tried to force it upon myself by packing anything I see as “kiddy” into boxes and storing them, taking down my multitude of posters that covered my walls, and essentially removing all distraction from my room. One month later and my posters have slowly been resurrected, my most favourite items from my childhood have been restored to their scattered positions and my room is once again it’s teenage self.
I cannot change who I am to try and force maturity – that is not supposed to sound like a tired platitude, or anything philosophic, that is the prosaic truth to my life.
So as I was saying, I most definitely hope that in 20 days time – when I finally get to enter the ranks of (technical) adulthood, though I will have no P-plates and will still be living at home – I will be able to get my act together and maybe move into a new class of individuality.

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